We all had friends in high school who "got in to trouble." The ones that were whispered about, given funny looks, and wearing baggy clothes because they'd gain a little suspicious weight. Rumors were spread and the "Is she? Isn't she?" debate began. Remarks were made about "How could a girl in this day and age wind up pregnant?" "How stupid could someone be to get themselves knocked up?"
Maybe teenage pregnancies aren't as scandalous where you're from but in my small hometown getting pregnant out of wedlock is a huge deal. Everyone knows, everyone talks, and everyone speculates about new mother's antics. I'm guilty of it. Hell my high school classmates and I are in our mid 20's and just yesterday I was texting my best friend about another friend who has found herself unexpectedly with child.
But what does this mentality say to others? What does telling young women to "be smart" imply when these "smart" tactics fail? What is a young girl supposed to think of herself when she's been told all her life to " be smart and use protection" and still winds up pregnant?
She'll feel stupid. She'll feel like she failed herself, her partner, her family. She was promised a safety net and it failed her. She was the unfortunate 0.3%.
How could this "be smart" mentality have any positive impact on abortion? It can't. It screams at women that they are failures for ending up pregnant. That they did something wrong and their only possible option now is to get rid of the evidence of their failure. When we blame and shame women for believing the lie they were fed we practically push them into an abortionist's office. As Ronald Reagan's adopted son said "We have to make sure our children are more afraid of the abortionist than they are of us."
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In my high school, we actually had a day care for the children of the students. It was really common. My first year teaching, one of my students had twin girls (she was fifteen).
ReplyDeleteAgreed. This has always been my stance and it's the reason I volunteer with pregnancy centers instead of participating in abortion protests. I think it's a better use of my time. No woman actually wants to have an abortion--she feels like it is the only choice. I don't think standing outside a clinic with a sign will change that. I think making sure she knows there is another choice and we do not make her feel ashamed is what will change it.
ReplyDeleteFeminists for Life has this stance too! Although they do make appearances at Pro-Life Marches.
Delete"Women deserve better than abortion"
Feminists for Life
This is a really interesting take, Katie--I like it! I've given talks before about the language of "safe sex," and the accompanying implication that if you need to be safe, sex must be dangerous, but have never considered that the "be smart" message implies that an unexpected pregnancy is the result of not being intelligent. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteRight on! And it continues...even if a woman is married. I cna't even tell you how many times I've heard someone tell me they were "smarter" than me because they "knew when to stop having kids" Ummmmmm Ok. Or my brother-in-law who told everyone at my other brother-in-law's wedding that my husband and I "must not have gotten the memo that two kids were plenty"
ReplyDeleteIt perpetuates and it's ridiculous.
How about we teach people to "be smart" and save that part of themselves for their spouse? Oh wait...that's very politically incorrect
I love the thoughts in your post! I agree that we need to help take the crisis out of crisis pregnancy!
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I guess it's because I am a guy, but I do tend to blame the guy. Especially if the pregnancy results from a non-committal relationship.
ReplyDeletePeople are going to screw around. And no, this isn't very smart. But I do think a guy who either doesn't use a condom in this situation or doesn't know how to use a condom is especially dense.
As for committed relationships and marriage? Children are part of the deal. Nothing is 100% effective and abstinence isn't a realistic option in marriage. Some people just need to mind their own business.