There's only one problem though. My ass is getting HUGE. This is really bothersome for me. It affects my health, my relationship, and my self esteem. What makes it even worse is Steven can eat all the cheeseburgers he wants and never put on a pound. Why should he be allowed to enjoy this wonderful creation and not have to deal with the aftermath? Yet because of biology I'm stuck with all this extra weight.
I wish there was a way to not get any of the bad side effects of overeating. If there was like a pill I could take every day and it would just make my body inhospitable to calories. Wouldn't that be the best invention ever? No regard for quality or content of the food I'm consuming anymore because it doesn't matter. When it doesn't come with any calories, who cares what the food is like? It's just for fun. I would never have to turn down an apple pie, a bowl of spaghetti, or my beloved cheeseburger ever again. I wouldn't even care if this pill caused cancer, blood clots, or made my migraines worse; it's better than the alternative, right?
I bet this pill would be pretty expensive though. I mean it would be a gold mine! Big pharma would push this on every woman, telling her it'd make all of her wildest dreams come true. She'd be skinny, she could land the guy of her dreams, and when they got married he would surely never cheat on her fine ass. Yeah it would definitely be expensive, probably like $10 a month.
How would poor college students like me ever afford that? I mean am I supposed to cut back from my weekly 30 pack, or even worse get a smaller texting plan? Not happening. Maybe the government would just make everyone cover this pill because of how vital it is to society? Yeah, that'd be perfect.
I mean that'd all be perfect as long as there wasn't some totally natural way of avoiding calories but even if there was, it probably wouldn't be reliable.